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March 21

The end of an era...adieu!

This tumblr symbolizes an era in my life that has since come to an end; hence why the posting has ceased.  I am in a completely differently place and no longer can relate to much of what’s written here but this WAS a chronicle of my hopes, my dreams, my loves, and my wishes during this time; a time where I self-sabotaged on an almost daily basis, a time when I felt as if the light at the end of the tunnel was merely a myth.  Not only did I find the light but I found something of far more importance:  That the beauty is in the journey…and because as I mentioned once before (and it still holds true today) music is my muse.  And no one has been able to more eloquently express my feelings about this situation better than Mr. Mayer….One of my favorite songs of his from his album “Heavier Things”

To you:

My biggest regret (yes, I do have them) was not being able to love you enough..enough to help you become the man I have always known you could be.

Split Screen Sadness

And I don’t know where you went when you left me but
Says here in the water you must be gone by now
I can tell somehow
One hand on the trigger of a telephone
Wonderin’ when the call comes
Where you say it’s alright
You got your heart right

Maybe I’ll sleep inside my coat and
Wait on your porch ‘till you come back home
Oh, right
I can’t find a flight

We share the sadness
Split screen sadness

Two wrongs make it all alright tonight
Two wrongs make it all alright tonight
Two wrongs make it all alright tonight
Two wrongs make it all alright tonight

“All you need is love” is a lie ‘cause
We had a love but we still said goodbye
Now we’re tired, battered fighters

And it stings when it nobody’s fault cause there’s
Nothing to blame At the drop of your name
It’s only the air you took and the breath you left

So maybe I’ll sleep inside my coat and
Wait on your porch ‘til you come back home
Oh, right
I can’t find a flight
So I’ll check the weather wherever you are
Cause I wanna know if you can see the stars tonight
It might be my only right

We share the sadness
(two wrongs make it all alright tonight)
Split screen sadness
(two wrongs make it all alright tonight)
We share the sadness
(two wrongs make it all alright tonight)
Split screen sadness
(two wrongs make it all alright tonight)

I called
because
I just
Need to feel you on the line
Don’t hang up this time
And I know it was me who called it over but
I still wish you’d fought me ‘til Your dying day
Don’t let me get away

Cause I can’t wait to figure out what’s wrong with me
So I can say ‘this is the way that I used to be
There’s no substitute for time
Or for the sadness
(two wrongs make it all alright tonight)
Split screen sadness
(two wrongs make it all alright tonight)
We share the sadness
(two wrongs make it all alright tonight)
Split screen sadness
(two wrongs make it all alright tonight)
Oh and the sadness
It’s alright, it’s alright
Oh and the sadness
It’s alright, it’s alright
Oh and the sadness
It’s alright, it’s alright

December 31
“ The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul.

G.K. Chesterton

~ and with that I bid farewell to 2008!
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boymeetslove: Within every person, lies a search. No matter how much we look for it, how we go about looking for it, or what we think we’re looking for, it’s a search. There are bumps, detours, misleading signs, and dead ends on the way. Sometimes, all we’re asking for is direction. We’re searching for love and even when the road seems like it goes nowhere, we proceed. What some of us don’t realize, in the pursuit of love, we are exactly what we’re searching for. When it comes to happiness, our own hearts are the destination in the end. Every second, one of us is defying the odds and going great distances without ever taking a single step.

boymeetslove:

Within every person, lies a search. No matter how much we look for it, how we go about looking for it, or what we think we’re looking for, it’s a search. There are bumps, detours, misleading signs, and dead ends on the way. Sometimes, all we’re asking for is direction.

We’re searching for love and even when the road seems like it goes nowhere, we proceed. What some of us don’t realize, in the pursuit of love, we are exactly what we’re searching for. When it comes to happiness, our own hearts are the destination in the end.

Every second, one of us is defying the odds and going great distances without ever taking a single step.

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(via icanread)

(via icanread)

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(via icanread)

(via icanread)

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icanread: (via newresolution)  ~ and this will be my New Year’s Resolution.

icanread:

(via newresolution)

 ~ and this will be my New Year’s Resolution.

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(via littlemiss)

(via littlemiss)

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“ The last year of my life has been like this wide-awake nightmare of conflicting emotions. But no matter how bad it got, one thing kept me going. Us. Our bond, our connection, whatever you want to call it. It made me feel like I wasn’t alone, like I was part of something special. It’s just that… for the first time in my life… I’m not feeling that connection anymore. And it scares me. Dawsons Creek (via littlemiss)
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~ and this is how I feel about the upcoming year :)

~ and this is how I feel about the upcoming year :)

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In retrospect....

As it is customary for me, I love to take the last hours of 2008 to reflect on all that has transpired during the course of the year.  And what a year it’s been!

~2007 was a year of emotional upheaval.  I spent the entire year mending a broken heart, only to realize that the demise of this relationship was one of the best things that could have ever happened to me. I now understand with the clarity only obtained through hindsight, what his purpose in my life had been and I am duly grateful for the indelible memories he left me.

~2008 was a year of inner turmoil and growth. During the course of the year, I began to question the choices I had made thus far, and challenged the notions I had held as truths for my entire adult life.  Uncertainty became the prevailing sentiment in every decision I made.  Whether this was largely in part to my being 29 or just the way the stars were aligned for me this year,  there were many moments where I hit rock bottom.  In this quest to decipher my new truths, I have lost all passion for what once inspired me, and I am meandering through life attempting to rekindle the flames that once burned so brightly within me. But in spite of these rocky times, it has been a wondrous year!  I have gained much and lost some.  I realized how extraordinarily blessed I am to have such an amazing love line and how rare a gift that is nowadays.  I have vowed never, ever, to take them for granted.  I have lost some friendships (I am definitely much better at discerning reasons, seasons, and lifetimes) but I have gained much insight through those experiences.  I have lost my blood line only to gain a stronger bond with my love line.  This loss has been the most painful of them all and has left a hollow void in my heart.  I have lost my certainty in what I thought I wanted only to gain a better understanding, through my uncertainty, of all that I really needed.  In the end, it has truly been the best of times and the worst of times but I wouldn’t trade them at all.  In my vulnerability, I have gained strength and insight…and some may say, wisdom beyond years. 

I hope 2009 brings me new beginnings, happy endings, and a fabulous 30th birthday.  I hope to continue on the road less travelled as I forge ahead into unchartered waters…but most importantly, I hope to revitalize my passion, even if it’s now directed at new pursuits (my passion IS my driving force, my impetus).  I wish for (in no particular order)

clarity.  love.  wisdom.  patience. happiness. health.

and I wish you all the same!

May 2009 be the year you all desire!  I know it will be for me :)